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August 6, 2012
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20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity:

1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer
at passing cars; see if they slow down

2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want
fries with that

4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over
their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso

6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy" ( I do
this ALL the time, in accordance to the prophecy)

8: Dont use any punctuation

9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"

12: Sing along at the opera

13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical
sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party
cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock
Bottom"

17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON!!!!!!!!!"

18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling,
"Run for your lives they're loose"

19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we
are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this
and put it on your profile!

37 Things To Do In An Elevator:

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough
air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without
getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you
Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror:
"You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I
have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a
group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a
while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then
scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut
up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!"
then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah,
those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when
the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a
millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say,
give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave
the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic,
they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice
announce "It is time..."
  • Mood: Lmao
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhelpmecarrythepain13:
HelpMeCarryThePain13 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
hilarious baby
Reply
:iconshshipping15:
ShShipping15 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks.
Reply
:iconhelpmecarrythepain13:
HelpMeCarryThePain13 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
your welcome <3
Reply
:iconmyinnersoul13:
myinnersoul13 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Student Artist
lmao ^_^
Reply
:iconshshipping15:
ShShipping15 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
kir!
Reply
:iconthemoonlightphoenix:
TheMoonlightPhoenix Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
wow this sounds fun, now i know what to do on my day off (grins evilly) this is hilarious!!!
Reply
:iconshshipping15:
ShShipping15 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah^-^i giggled the whole time XD i dare u to try them..im gonna go to the mental hospital and do that stuff in the elevator XD and then see what happensXD
Reply
:iconthemoonlightphoenix:
TheMoonlightPhoenix Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
i think asda is my nearest lift hmmm... i wonder if i'll get banned :D
Reply
:iconshshipping15:
ShShipping15 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah ahahaXD
Reply
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